I write this on the eve of my 40th birthday and at the rising of the Full Buck Moon. As a mystic and a ritualist, I in no way discount the magick and medicine that is at play…these two events coinciding. For my usual ritual readers, this may seem a bit out of character, to get so personal, but this is more than a Full Moon rite, this is a manifesto, and I hope that in some way, it strikes a chord in your soul.
Although it may not seem so, especially to those of you who don’t know me personally, I am extremely passive and I am so terrified of conflict that I will put myself in harms way if it means avoiding an uncomfortable situation, difficult decision or possibly contentious conversation. I’m empathetic. Highly. So, I feel everything. I feel my own feelings and everyone’s around me. My coping mechanisms since childhood have been to run, to be alone, or to numb ( with various methods of escaping reality) unless I feel very VERY supported. I say all of this not to gain sympathy or even to hear “you? You don’t seem at all shy or socially anxious.” The simple truth is I am, and it holds me back. I always teach about shedding all of the things that do not serve you, specifically on Full Moons. I recognize that I am not following my own magick, and words ( even said with the best of intention and mindfulness) are hollow if not being lived by the speaker of those words. As Maya Angelou said, “words are things, they have vibration, they get into the walls and floors of a place.” My words have always been truthful, honest, often divinely dropped in to my brain and I, like a channel just simply let them move through, but applying some of them has been to frightening to face. I simply didn’t have the strength until now.
Today marks the Full Buck Moon. If you follow this blog, you know by now that these moon names are practical, not mystical. This early July Full Moon was so named because the young bucks were prevalent in the wild, sporting their newly pushed-through horns. They, with their eagerness and vigor, ready to go head-first into any challenge. Now I, my 40th birthday coinciding with the Full Buck Moon, feel precisely the same way.
For some time now, let’s say two years, my dear friend and teacher has been dropping little hints of wisdom at me like “something is coming for you” or “the universe is preparing you for something, I’m just not sure what”, and my all time favorite, “for years I didn’t notice you, you weren’t even on my radar and then BAM! There you were.” Her advice and counsel has led me to this declaration.
I will no longer show up small.
I will not diminish myself, my light, my dark or my power because of fear.
I will freely express my joy and love as well as my pain and frustration. I will not be numb.
I make no apologies for being me. I am eccentric, liberal, loving, I crave affection and give it freely. I am vain and enjoy frivolity but my brain is busy and my soul as deep and often dark as the abyss. I believe in magick, I believe in the power to shift energy at will, and the responsibility of that. I love animals and plants and children, and the fact that I could not bear any has left me wounded.
I stand up for myself. I bear my wounds, my scars, my addictions and my mistakes not as a scarlet letter across my chest, but as weights to balance the scales. I know how bright my light is, so with that I fully hold my shadow.
I will no longer wait until last, give everyone else the billing, play dumb, downgrade my abilities, keep my mouth shut or give away my sacred work.
I will harness the Buck energy, proudly spar with my budding new horns ( in the spirit of play and friendship), and I will rest knowing that my true, full strength and beauty are still on the way. The wisdom and regalia of the full grown Buck takes time. And so, as the night closes in on 40, I feel renewed. I feel reborn. I feel ready.
The Ritual Preparation:
Cast a sacred circle using sea salt or egg shell powder or brick dust. Begin at the North, the Moon is in Capricorn ( an Earth sign).
Once the circle is cast, place a crystal or stone at the Northern point, a feather at the East, a candle at the South, and water ( bowl or glass) at the West.
In the center, place one black candle, one white candle, one full glass of water, and horns if you have them. If you don’t have any naturally shed horns, you can find a deer figurine, or simply draw horns on a paper. (have a match or lighter handy)
Sit inside the sacred circle placing the water and horns in front of you, the white candle to your right, and the black candle to your left.
Close your eyes and still your mind. See yourself in a wooded area. It’s thick, green and smells of Earth. Listen. With your mind, begin to call in the spirit animal of the Young Buck. Think of the attributes, his newly cresting horns, his confidence and agility. Call him forth. When he appears, in your mind, sit with him for a moment. Look him in the eye. Really take him in. Without words only with your mind, invite him in.
Slowly, mindfully without loosing focus, open your eyes and light the white candle to your right. Gaze at it and see all of the aspects of the Young Buck that you have called in. Call in assertiveness, energy, confidence, strength, resilience.
Close your eyes again. Drop deeply back into the woods. It’s thicker and darker now, it smells of distant fires and the air is cooler. Call in the mighty Buck. See him with his full rack of majestic horns, grown over seasons and hunted…and survived. Call him forth. When he arrives, again sit with him. You will most likely feel more comfortable with the mighty Buck, he has wisdom medicine.
Remaining in your meditation, open your eyes and light the black candle to your left. Invite in all of the qualities you will grow into. Call in fierce beauty, calm authority, quiet wisdom.
Pour a drop or two of wax from each candle ( the white and black) into your full vessel of water. Clear your sacred circle, beginning at the North and moving widdershins (counter clockwise). Place the candles and the horns ( or alternate horns) on your sacred space. Take your full vessel of water outside u dear the apex of the full moon. With the spirit of the Buck within you, hold it high and repeat this incantation three times ( aloud or silently).
Witness now my full rebirth
Leave the water outside to fully charge under the light of the moon, and tomorrow, add it to your bath, sealing the work. And so it is done.
Happy Birthday! And Happy Enchanting, young bucks!